With the vast amount of excitement surrounding the one way tickets to Mars, I felt it was crucial to point out all the incredibly thrilling and life altering moments you can have on this tomato looking rock. Remember to pack some extra socks and a scarf, as it is about -63c on average, so you might get a bit nippy. Oh, and don’t forget a tin of Spaghetti Hoops, there will be a large amount of judgement on my side if you forget! Have a read through my guide on things to do on Mars below:

  1. Look for Aliens

  2. Look for water

  3. Look for oxygen

  4. Hold your breath

  5. Wave at earth in case anyone is looking through a telescope

  6. Do things with rocks

  7. Do more things with rocks

  8. Go for a ride on the Mars Explorer

  9. Dress up as an alien and dance around the Mars Explorer

  10. Learn to impersonate Brian Cox

  11. Look for a Starbucks

  12. Eat a Mars Bar on Mars

  13. Play five-a-side football, with your new made rock friends

  14. ski down the red hills

  15. declare war on earth

  16. Play David Bowie’s ‘Life On Mars’ repetitively…for ever

  17. Practice some space based jokes (When do astronauts eat their lunch? At launch time)

  18. Crack open a beer

  19. Drink a bit too much and have an argument with a rock

  20. Check whether your phone has any signal

  21. Look for a Starbucks, there will be one somewhere!

  22. Declare yourself the Leader, build a stone throne and rule your seven kingdoms

  23. Spend your time proving Trump was wrong and that the moon was not part of Mars

  24. Sandboarding! I’ve had my fair crack of sandboarding and have to admit it is great fun, unless you trip. You will be spoilt for choice and could invent a new sport, spaceboarding!

  25. Get yourself a tan. You might not have a choice if there isn’t much shade to hide in, while a day on mars is longer than on earth, so you can sneak in a few more minutes with those rays.

I’m afraid I struggled with images, as I have to be honest, I haven’t yet visited Mars, however it might sneak its way onto my bucket list once it has become a two way trip, what with the inevitable death which would currently result in visiting this crazy place. If you happen to have any pictures, or itinerary to add to the list, please don’t hesitate, I’m never one to reject a good suggestion. I was contemplating sneaking in something Mars Attacks related, but I didn’t fancy doing the creepy walk like the evil alien lady.

If you’re also interested in splitting the petrol costs for a trip up there, I think we could come to a deal, who knows, America and England might invade another country and we might get a cheeky discount on oil.

So far there have been six successful flights up to Mars, that means we could all be lucky number seven. I don’t know about you, but my oversized Mexican hat and Bay Watch style shorts are packed and ready to go!


  1. Annie André May 17, 2013 at 10:46 am

    Hillarious. You forgot to add, ‘ have sex on mars’. Just sayin..

    1. tombourlet May 17, 2013 at 3:56 pm

      Haha so true, might have to add that later 😀

  2. Michael W. Zaske March 26, 2021 at 11:52 pm

    Every one should take a short trip to Mars


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